Loosening Up
by pinkperson
Summary: Squall and Laguna hang out and get to know each other a bit better. And Squall finds that maybe he doesn't hate the man as much as he thought he did.


Squall sat next to Laguna on his couch with his back hunched and his hands twitching nervously in his lap. He'd decided to come and visit Laguna just a couple of days after they'd had their talk. They seemed to have almost even bonded somewhat during their conversation, which was something that Squall had never expected could happen between him and Laguna.

He wasn't blind. He could tell that Laguna wanted to get to know him and grow close to him. He wasn't sure if it was just because he reminded him of his dead wife or if he genuinely liked him, though. It was hard to tell what went on in Laguna's head sometimes.

And now they were sitting in his office with an awkward silence having fallen between them. Laguna simply watched Squall smiling as always, despite the fact that Squall found it hard to look him in the eye. He just wasn't much of a people person and had no idea what to talk about at that particular moment. He'd been hoping Laguna would continue chattering away about his day to day life, but instead he was oddly quiet. Finally, unable to deal with the silence any longer, Squall spoke up.

"So...do you want to talk about something?" Squall felt his face heat up at his stupid question. He hoped Laguna wouldn't notice his embarrassment.

"I actually was kinda liking the silence," Laguna said. "Just sitting here like this feels kinda nice."

"Don't you feel awkward just sitting and, you know, looking at me?" Squall had no idea where these questions were coming from, but it seemed like Laguna had a knack for making him expose his least favorite traits.

Laguna's eyes softened as he tilted his head. "Not at all. There's nothing wrong with silences, Squall. I know it's weird for a lot of people, but it doesn't bother me. I never got why people hate sitting quietly with other people."

Squall frowned at this, surprised by Laguna's mature way of thinking. He wouldn't have expected the guy to ever make him feel like the dumb one in the room, but here he was feeling foolish. If only he wasn't so socially awkward…

"So what do you wanna do?" Laguna said, interrupting his thoughts. "Wanna watch some tv? Maybe some cartoons?"

Squall looked up at Laguna then, ready to respond sarcastically, but he saw that Laguna's eyes were twinkling with humor. Rolling his eyes upward, he sighed. "Here come the father and son jokes..."

Laguna grinned at Squall and squeezed his knee playfully. "_Relax_, Squall. I promise I won't bite. And I'll talk about stuff if it'll help you feel better. But we don't need to rush things. I'm trying to not scare you off like I have in the past. I'm really gonna try my best from now on."

Squall felt some of his tension ebb away at hearing this. It seemed that Laguna was going to try to back off a little. Maybe that was why he wasn't chattering away like he normally did. He couldn't help but feel better upon hearing this. "Thanks," he said, trying his best to smile. He was certain it probably looked more like a scowl, though. Squall smiled so rarely that he wasn't sure if his facial muscles worked properly anymore.

"Wanna hear me talk a bit about Raine and how I met her? You probably wanna know about your mom, don't you? I like tellin' people about my past. Got a lot of stories to tell, honestly. But most people don't wanna hear them. Believe me, I've tried."

"Sure, why not," Squall said, as he leaned back. "Tell me about Raine."

"You know, she's the only reason I don't completely hate myself for that whole cliff jumping incident. I still can't believe all three of us survived that. And that Kiros and Ward didn't kill me for it."

"That was pretty stupid," Squall agreed. "But then again, most of the things you do are...no offense."

Laguna laughed at this. "And that's why I'm glad you took after Raine. Anyway, I'm pretty sure I was out cold as soon as I hit the water. We were so lucky that the water wasn't shallow...And _I_ was lucky because of who it was that took me in and took care of me until I got better."

"I still remember the moment that I regained consciousness lying on her bed in her room. She came upstairs to check up on me soon after and I remember the way that she looked at me. From the moment that I met her, she often had this look on her face like she could see right through me. She looked mad at me even though I hadn't even done anything yet. Kinda like how you always look at me, Squall."

"Do I really?" Squall asked, frowning. "Always?"

"A lot of the time, yeah, you do. But it's okay because I get how you feel. Don't sweat it." Laguna's eyes held a dreamy look in them as he continued recalling the past. "Anyway, I remember how scared I was at first, because I had no idea what was going on. It took me a while to realize how I got there. Raine was so sweet and tried her best to calm me down. I was so worried about Kiros and Ward. At the time, when I pushed them off, I thought nothing of it. But when it came to me later after I got my head together, I freaked out 'cause I was scared to death that I'd killed my best friends."

"I felt that way, too, kind of," Squall spoke up, surprising himself and Laguna. "When I had to save Rinoa after she floated away into space. It was...it was the worst fifteen minutes of my life."

Laguna smiled at Squall. "But you did it, didn't you? You got the girl and then you beat the bad guys, too, saving the world. I'm really proud of you, you know that?"

Squall felt a lump in his throat as he averted his eyes. He couldn't deny that it felt nice to hear those words uttered from Laguna's...his _father's_...mouth. He'd never admit it to anyone, but he'd secretly craved to have that sort of connection with parents of his own.

"So, back to my story," Laguna said, not seeming to notice Squall's emotional reaction. "I was practically covered from head to toe in bandages. I could barely even move. Raine had to help me eat and drink and go to the bathroom. It was pretty embarrassing. But she was so sweet, Squall. She had the patience of a saint. It was after I got better that she wasn't so patient with me. 'Cause I tended to make her mad a lot of the time."

"How did you make her mad?"

"If you wanna know the truth, practically everything I did made her mad. She hated when I'd bring the machine gun inside the house, especially when Ellone was nearby. She'd get mad at me when I babytalked with Ellone because she felt like it was making her dumber. Which it probably was, to be perfectly honest. And I sometimes forgot to shut the door…You should have seen the way she'd yell at me when a caterchipillar would try to squeeze its way inside the house."

"Sounds like pretty normal stuff."

"There was that time when my gun accidentally went off inside the house," Laguna said, scratching the side of his head sheepishly. "Man, that was _not_ a good day..."

"I bet," Squall said dryly.

"But there were a lot of nice things about her, Squall. Sure she had a temper, but she was also so incredibly sweet. Y'know she tried surprising me on my birthday with a cake?" Laguna made a face. "Not gonna lie, but it was one of the nastiest things I ever ate, but it's the thought that counts. She was funny like that. So serious yet at the same time she was super adorable." He then cleared his throat. "We also talked about having kids before, you know...just before I left. After I left and sent Elle back, I really was hoping that I could somehow get back to her and...and...okay, I think I should stop there." Laguna laughed, scratching the back of his head.

He looked at Squall oddly then, making Squall wonder if there was something on his face. "I think we talked enough about me and my boring life. You wanna share some stuff with me?"

Squall furrowed his brows, his mind going blank. "Uh, like what?"

"I dunno. Just tell me about how you grew up, or maybe just talk about Rinoa or your friends. How did it feel when you defeated Ultimecia? Or just about what a dummy Seifer is."

Squall couldn't help but chuckle at the mention of Seifer. He still couldn't believe that guy thought of himself as a knight in any sense of the word. And every single time he fought him, he was defeated so easily it was like child's play. It was hard to take him and his "romantic dream" seriously.

Squall furrowed his brows as he knew instantly what he most wanted to talk about. Rinoa. "Well, things are going pretty good between us. Me and Rinoa, I mean," he said, a bit anxiously.

"When did you guys have your first kiss?"

Squall reddened at the unexpected question. He felt embarrassment in discussing such intimate things. "At the party in the Garden celebrating our victory. It was on the balcony."

"Awww," Laguna said, making Squall feel even more uncomfortable. "That's so sweet."

Squall rolled his eyes, wishing they could change the subject already. He hated being teased when he exposed himself in any way. He had more than enough of Quistis's teasing every time they so much as spoke to one another. She still made fun of him by finishing his sentences at times despite the fact that he made it obvious that it annoyed him.

"Well, it felt nice, after all the hell I went through just trying to keep her alive," Squall muttered. He still felt anxious at times, as though she might be taken away from him again at any moment. He couldn't deny that it was hard to suppress his clingy side now that he was officially in a relationship. He truly cared about Rinoa and a part of him felt like he couldn't be happy without her by his side.

"See? It was all worth it in the end."

"I suppose," Squall said stiffly. "I'm not sure I'd do it again. Let's put it that way."

"That's totally understandable. I honestly don't think I could do it even once. I heard about some of the things you had to go through and it sounds like it seriously sucked. Especially when Rinoa was attached to Adel and you had to free her without hurting her."

"Seriously. Don't remind me..." That was probably Squall's least favorite battle. It had been agonizing trying to figure out how to defeat the sorceress without killing Rinoa as well.

There was a brief pause and Squall looked up to see that Laguna was watching him again, like he was earlier.

"Y'know, I really like it when you stop by, Squall. I don't talk about it much, but I get pretty lonely sometimes."

"But you have Kiros and Ward, don't you? And Elle. It's not like you're completely alone."

Laguna averted his eyes for a second before recovering. Squall wondered briefly what it was that made Laguna uncomfortable. Laguna then shook his head, chuckling nervously. "That's exactly what I told Elle just a couple of days ago. But she knows me even better than I know myself. It's kinda nice having a son who I can hang out with and talk to."

"Guess I make it hard for you since I'm not exactly a chatterbox," Squall said, lowering his eyes. He sometimes felt like he hated his personality. He was often described as a recluse and treated as though there was something wrong with him for it. A part of him wished he could be more like Laguna whose charisma and presence made him so likable that, as much as he couldn't stand him at times, he did feel somewhat charmed by him. "I know I'm about as fun to talk to as a rock."

"A rock? Come on, Squall. If I didn't like talking to you, I wouldn't talk to you."

Squall shot Laguna a deadpan look. "I highly doubt that."

Laguna laughed a little. "Yeah, I guess you're right about that. I don't get too bothered by people, even if it seems like they don't like me. If I could I probably would be best buds with a rock." Laguna paused. "Not that I'm comparing you to a rock or anything."

It was Squall's turn to laugh, though he covered his mouth when he did so. "You know I still can't believe that you're my father. I mean, we're nothing alike."

"Well, we're both male. And we're both human...I think."

"Very funny," Squall said, though he couldn't deny that he was amused. His mouth twitched a little as he couldn't resist making a jab at Laguna. "And you're most definitely not human."

Laguna's eyes twinkled in amusement. "It's nice to see you loosen up, Squall. It's not good to be so serious all the time. Raine was like that, too, y'know."

"I'm just not used to socializing or whatever. I'm so used to sitting in that stupid dorm room all day long that it's really weird actually talking to people."

"Just take it a step at a time," Laguna reassured.

"Yeah...yeah, I guess," Squall said, feeling a bit better. It was strange being comforted by a guy whose leg cramped up when he so much as tried approaching women. But at the same time, it felt oddly nice.

When Squall had talked with Laguna just a couple of days ago, confronting him with the truth of his parentage, he wasn't sure what to expect. Yet somehow the two of them managed to miraculously connect and something oddly resembling a bond had quickly been forged. Squall couldn't deny that he'd felt a significant amount of embarrassment soon after discovering that Laguna was his father. The man often made him feel awkward just being in his presence. He had a tendency to make a fool of himself and drag those around him into the mud with him.

Yet at the same time, Squall was beginning to see his positive traits. Things that he'd probably overlooked in the past due to the bad vibes he'd gotten from him. And the fact that he could be painfully irritating at times. There was his persistently cheerful personality which a part of him envied. Laguna was so happy go lucky that even Squall felt some hope instilled in his cold barren heart when he was around him. The guy simply had a good heart. He couldn't help but recall how Laguna had treated that moomba in that final dream that he'd seen. When he'd actually cared deeply for its well-being even while practically everyone around him couldn't care less. In a way, he couldn't blame that shumi tribe for making a statue in tribute to the man. Laguna...as clumsy and ill-prepared for life in general as he was...was actually a pretty good leader.

And to Squall's embarrassment, a part of him...deep, deep down, wished he could have grown up with Laguna as his father. Despite the fact that he'd rebuked Laguna for his childish wish to time travel and change things, a part of Squall felt the same way.

And now he realized that he'd zoned out...and Laguna was watching him with what looked like great interest.

Squall blushed at being caught thinking to himself. "Geez, can't I at least sit without you staring at me," he grumbled, feeling some of his old irritation with the man suddenly return with a vengeance.

Laguna chuckled at this. "Sorry, sorry...It's just...I was just thinking about that time when Quistis said something about us. In Cid's office, remember? She said that we both zone out exactly the same way. Funny, huh?"

Squall actually felt himself begin to sweat a little. He'd complimented the man in his thoughts only moments ago, but he still was not too fond of being compared to someone who he felt mostly embarrassed of. No, that was about as funny as having his crotch viciously attacked by a Jumbo Cactuar. "Uh, sure...funny..."

Eventually Squall eased up again and the two men talked a bit longer about things happening in their lives. Squall felt that he was able to relax more than he normally did when he tried socializing, strangely enough. He wondered if maybe he might not always stay the recluse he thought of himself as, after all.

Once it was time for him to leave, Squall stood up and reflexively reached out to shake Laguna's hand. He quickly pulled his hand back feeling embarrassed yet again for seeming like the rigid commander that he always seemed to present himself as. But to his surprise Laguna put his own hand out, smiling at him encouragingly. Squall relaxed a little at this as he relented and shook Laguna's hand.

"It's not exactly a hug, but it's something, right?" Laguna said clearly eager to tease him one last time.

Squall rolled his eyes, trying to hide his discomfort at the thought of hugging Laguna. "Yes, let's celebrate the fact that I willingly touched you," he said dryly.

"Another joke?" Laguna said with awe.

"Alright, I'm leaving." Squall felt his walls beginning to come up with all the teasing. Sheesh, it wasn't like he never joked, was it? Like he made a joke just...just...Oh, forget it. Before Laguna could hassle him any further, Squall walked towards the door. But just before walking out, he stopped and turned towards Laguna again. Laguna looked at him with puzzlement.

Squall hesitated briefly, not sure why he'd stopped to turn around.

"Squall? Something wrong?"

Squall mustered a weak smile, feeling somewhat courageous. He was about to say something risky. He just felt like he was craving something before he left. He wanted to feel like he'd accomplished something.

"Laguna?"

"Yeah?"

Squall shut his eyes as though to make the experience less grueling. He wasn't even sure what had come over him. But the words tumbled out of his mouth before he could stop them.

"You're... a really good guy."

Squall turned and walked out before Laguna could even say anything, so that was nothing out of the ordinary at least. He had a tendency to try to avoid as many responses from Laguna as possible. Although this time it was mostly because he was afraid Laguna might make him stay even longer. And that he wouldn't be able to say no.

As Squall said goodbye to Kiros and Ward and exited the palace he felt as though a weight had lifted from his shoulders. It had felt shockingly good to just sit with this man...his father...and have a heart to heart with him. To get to know him. To actually make jokes with him. And yes it was true. He had to admit it. Squall almost never joked. But somehow Laguna had ignited a spark inside him that he never thought he even had.

And yes, he did think Laguna was a good guy. Despite it all, despite everything, despite the fact that Squall had ended up at that orphanage because of him, it was so terribly hard to hate the man now that he had actually gotten to know him somewhat.

It was disarming how his awkwardness actually helped to alleviate some of his tension. Just sitting in silence as they had done earlier was the strangest thing and yet it was comforting as well. To not feel pressured to force conversation as most people would do was kind of nice.

Maybe...maybe having a father like Laguna wasn't such a bad thing. Maybe they really could bond and get along and...and...God, did he really just almost think that? Squall felt the urge to slap a palm against his face. Yes, he had almost thought of actually _hugging_ Laguna.

Maybe the guy was rubbing off on him a little _too_ much.

As Squall walked along the road that led towards the Garden, he found that he felt a lot better than he had before coming to Esthar. He felt like talking to Rinoa about the experience as soon as he saw her. He felt like just lying down and relaxing in his room, maybe even listening to some music. He just felt like loosening up.

And that was something.


End file.
